I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
