She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize