Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
