you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
