i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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