would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She needs sedatives and a leash
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
