My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
