Pants 0. Shit 1.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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