Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
