Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
