my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
