you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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