it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
