GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
