i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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