So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
