How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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