I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
