textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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