My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
