based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
