Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
