I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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