When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
