Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize