so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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