I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
