Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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