i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
