A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
