There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
