I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
