So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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