he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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