He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
