party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
