i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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