Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
