you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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