worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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