sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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