Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
