I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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