Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
