She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So many bounce houses so little time
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
