I puked a lego.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
