I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
