After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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