He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
