I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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