I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Welp...herpes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
