Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
