I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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