Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize