I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
