and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
