You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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