dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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