2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
