I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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