I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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