Too much gin, very little bucket
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
