I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want nice things and good sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
