sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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