I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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