I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
