and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
