And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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