Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
