you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
