Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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