Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
