We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
