So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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