I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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